5 Anime for Peoples Who Hate the Japanese and Their Lousy Cartoons

Japanimation was once the super-slick state of the art entertainment medium that was taking the world by storm. Today, not so much. The coke-induced fantasies of the Japanese bubble economy, that got many people like myself into the art form, gave way to a transition period of "HOLY SHIT WE'RE FUCKED!" as the bubble popped. Today Japanese Cartoons sit in the corner rocking back and forth thinking "happy thoughts" to itself as it laments it's lost childhood and dreaming of banging it's kid sister.

Yes it has become pretty shameful to be into this crap. After seeing this I've decided to curb the shame with a list of Anime for different types of people. I'm sure other Japanimation Otaku will disagree, but that's what comment sections are for!

List 1: High Schoolers

Most Anime fans today are high schoolers. These shameless little demons swarm conventions like locusts and eat away any form of social order and human decency that might have been present before, though I cannot confirm if either of those things were ever there in the first place. Keeping this in mind and the fact that high schools have "anime clubs" now this list will be pretty standard fare for most Anime Fans.

5. Dragon Ball Z
4. Trigun
3. Naruto
2. Death Note
1. Bleach

List 2: Fundamentalist Christians

Like teenagers screaming internet memes and wearing signs begging for sexual favors (see List 1) Fundies love to suck away any source of joy and/or common sense out of the world. This lot blindly believes that a collection of books, a bible, was written by some deity and not scribbled down oral traditions like countless other collections similar in themes. Anyway, is Japanese cartoons right for them? Of course it is! GOD made it!

5. Saint Tail
4. Evangelion
3. Butt Attack Punisher Girl Gotaman
2. The Mysterious Cities of Gold
1. SuperBook

List 3: Stay-at-home Mothers

Moms. You've got to love them. Got to love them even more if they stay home with the kids all day. I am so sorry As The World Turns was canceled. But worry not! Turn off the Judge Judy and watch these visual delights!

5. Kaasan - Mom's Life
4. Sailor Moon
3. Code Geass
2. Rose of Versailles
1. Revolutionary Girl Utena

List 4: Film Buffs

These poor souls tend to be un(or under) employed and have squandered away their time in college on a useless film degree. Talking to them about movies is depressing on many levels, not only has their training utterly demystified the art but whatever you like is WRONG.

5. Ghost in the Shell
4. Cowboy Bebop
3. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
2. Perfect Blue
1. Akira

List 5: Serial Killers

If you've been into Japanese cartoons as long as I have, you might have wondered why Japan is not over flowing with these guys. Anime, Manga, and Japanese film has some pretty sick shit going on in them. Maybe these things are an outlet for those urges and calms down the crazy killer types so they can go to work the next day. Oh wait a minute. Silly me. I forgot everyone in Japan was unemployed. Well hopefully they can occupy themselves by watching these cartoons instead of, you know, killing people.

5. Death Note
4. SuperBook
3. Crying Freeman
2. Urotosukidoji
1. Doomed Megalopolis


Well, there is my list of 5 lists. To sum it up, lists are bullshit. That's right! I'm a complete sham! A Hack! People like stuff for various reasons, typically they go with the herd, but some people actually have opinions and godbless them for it.

Anime is not popular with the public at large, never has been really. People just know what Anime is now. I'm sure we can cherry pick a few shows that might appeal to the masses but they are in short supply and they are just as hit or miss in terms of catching on as anything else ever made in Hollywood.

Sure, everyone and their mom loved Cowboy Bebop, Princess Mononoke, and Vampire Hunter D. However, some of the Anime I have shown to my non-anime-fan friends, which they liked, are the ones that I would not have guessed they would have liked in the first place. I've shown Captain Tylor and Gunbuster to a few of my friends on a whim, mainly because I felt like watching them, and they've fallen in love with those shows. One of my friends and I talked about Evangelion a lot and got a good number of our non-anime-fan friends into it as a result.

As fans it is not our job to market this stuff aggressively. We're just here to enjoy it and if some friends want to come along for the ride then that's even better.


Tohoscope said...

Wait. Why are we trying to get people who have no interest in anime to watch anime? Let me make a list of better things I'd rather do with my free time...

Tim said...

Have you read the credits for the Simpsons and Family Guy? Lots of Americans watch anime--they just don't know it yet!



The Angry Otaku said...

Ditch Sailor Moon and replace it with Masion Ikokku.