Saints: Week 1 or The Shounen Power Creep

In the realm of Japanese Cartoons & Comics there is what as known as the Power Creep. The Power Creep is most common in Japanese comic books (Manga) and cartoons (Anime) aimed at young boys (Shounen). The textbook example cited most by scholars and assholes with too much time on their hands is Akira Toriyama's epic tale, Dragon Ball.

Dragon Ball is the story of a mysterious monkey boy named Goku who was raised by an old martial arts master. This weekly comic ran for over 11 years and includes such exploits as: Goku fighting desert bandits. Goku competing in martial arts tournaments. Goku fighting demons who can blow up the moon. Goku fighting super-powered androids. Goku saving entire alien civilizations. And eventually Goku takes out a deity or two.

The basic story structure is as follows: Goku gets beat up/killed. Goku gets better/resurrected. Goku trains and becomes more powerful. Goku beats up/kills whomever beat/killed him. This is the patented Shounen Power Creep™.

In week 1 of the NFL season our New Orleans Saints were set up to partake in this grand tradition by taking on the returning world champion Green Bay Packers. I seriously doubt Roger Goodell is much of a Dragon Ball fan but he couldn't have set up a more perfect situation.

Like Goku, the Saints faced a seemingly all-powerful opponent. Like Goku, the Saints fought to their last breath always staying within striking distance of victory. Like Goku, everyone counted him out after the battle.

In week 1 the Saints lost to the Packers. So far so good. The first act is now complete. Next begins the all important training story. Goku would engage in some weird and death defying training regiment. The Saints "training" will be making it through one of the tougher regular season schedules of the NFL. Sure, Goku might fall down but every time he gets up he becomes just a little stronger. The Saints will gel as the season moves forward. Ingram will become more seasoned, Shaun Rogers will get a little more used to winning, Zack Strief hones his craft as a starting offensive tackle, and Patrick Robinson becomes a quality NFL defensive back. All the while Drew Brees makes his case for a Hall of Fame bid and the rest of roster "powers up" in their own way.

After the regular season comes the playoffs. The Dragon Ball equivalent would be a Martial Arts tournament or a series of battles with the bad guy's underlings. After that Goku would beat the final boss, the person or thing that beat him and drove him to his grueling training regiment. Basically, the Saints work through the playoffs and ultimately beat the Packers in the NFC championship game. GO WITH ME ON THIS!

However, this is where the story makes it's big, but pretty predictable, plot twist! After countless casualties, painful injuries, and driven to sheer exhaustion Goku can finally breath a sign of relief and take a break. But wait. What's this?! The villain Goku defeated was nothing more than the bad guy's weaker form! After a hideous transformation the real final battle is about to begin! This is the Superb Owl! Aaron Rogers has morphed into his second form, TOM BRADY!

For those who've read this far CONGRATULATIONS! You really don't win anything except for maybe realizing I'm a huge fucking nerd. But that's ok. Why? Simple.

In the end Goku always wins. Therefore, #wegotthis.

BONUS Content - Warning: It's Stupid.

SUPERDEFORMED'S 2011 HAND EGG PREDICTIONS

Disclaimer: Guy is in no way shape or form a sports writer. Guy is just some jerk who plays fantasy football, pulls for the local teams, and bitches incessantly when it's not an utter blowout on twitter.


The 2011 NFL season promises be a little chaotic due to the labor bullshit this past off season. I'll try to make weekly posts this season, but I ain't promising anything. After consulting a "higher power" (spoilers: me). I have put together a simple batch of predictions (some may call them "picks") of who will make the playoffs and what will happen. Hell, I'll even pick an MVP and Rookie of the year.

Predicting every regular season game, while a very simple task for someone such as myself, would be too boring with it's accuracy and result in a lot of typing I don't feel like doing.


AFC West: San Diego Chargers - The Chargers will be a beast until Rivers loses his shit, once again, in the playoffs.
AFC East (BYE): New England Patriots - If there is a "god" they'll go 18-1 again.
AFC North (BYE): Baltimore Ravens - The Piccolo to the Steelers Son Goku, their games will be epic and hopefully they'll meet again in the playoffs.
AFC South: Houston Texans - I'm 90% sure they will prove me wrong and shit the bed again. If they make it they will lose in the first round of the playoffs to a Wildcard team, I'm guessing the Steelers.

AFC Wild Card 1: New York Jets - Foot festish for this football will give them a leg up on the competition. I MADE A FUNNY. (No not really.) They'll embarrass the Chargers in round one and then be destroyed by the Patriots in round 2 by Tom Brady and Chad Ochocinco.
AFC Wild Card 2: Pittsburgh Steelers - I predict they will meet the Ravens in the playoffs only to be defeated by the Ravens in a massive comeback that will involve Ray Lewis BLOWING UP THE MOON! (FYI: this is a Dragon Ball joke)

AFC Champion: New England Patriots - After a dominating season and cleaning up the scraps of a decimated Raven's team, after their epic battle with the Steelers, will they once again become Superb Owl™ champions? Find out below.

NFC Wild Card 1: Tampa Bay Buccaneers - They'll surprise everyone by sweeping the Falcons this season and making it to the second round of the playoffs.
NFC Wild Card 2: Philadelphia Eagles - After a red-hot start they'll lose the NFC North after Michael Vick misses 4 consecutive games at the end of the season.

NFC West: Arizona Cardinals - Yet another 9-7 NFC West team wasting a spot of a better NFC South Team (Sorry Falcons). Michael Vick is going to treat them like a Pitbull.
NFC East: Washington Redskins - "Legendary quarterback ""Rax Grissman" will once again SHOCK THE WORLD by leading a team further than anyone ever expected him to. Sadly it will only be to the first round of the playoffs. Josh Freeman and the Bucs will fucks them up.
NFC North (BYE): Green Bay Packers - After narrowly defeating the Saints in week one and a full season of National commentators proclaiming them a "dynasty" they'll stomp a mud-hole into the Eagles.
NFC South (BYE): New Orleans Saints - After being written off by NFL pundits in a devistating loss to the Packers in week one: the Saints will pull themselves together and dominate with their running game. They'll beat the Bucs for a 3rd time in one season and exact their revenge on the media darling Packers.

NFC Champion: New Orleans Saints! Duh!

Superb Owl Champion: New Orleans Saints! - After the Saints secondary is decimated with injuries the Saints resign Mike Mckenzie after the NFC Championship game. Once again, Tom Brady will Taste the Difference™ as McKenzie comes up with not one, not two, but THREE pick sixes! HAHAHA screw bias!

Rookie of the Year: Mark Ingram - He will be the Saints first 1000 Yard rusher since Deuce McAllister in 2006.
Most Valuable Player: Tom Brady - He'll be his typical future hall of famer self and have an outstanding year. His number one reciever will be Chad "Tom, stop calling me Randy!" Ochocinco.

The Token Rising Tide 6 Post
Name-dropping like a mofo!

Rising Tide was last weekend and I attended with my lovely fiancée Natalie. Here a brief rundown of events.

Friday Night: Greet-N-Meet at Tracey's (The Real Parasols™)

Natalie and I arrive around 7:30. I said hi to a few people I remember from a year ago, Sophmom and DangerBlonde to name a few. After placing a food order we were treated to a round of drinks by one VargVargas. I intended to buy him a shot but timing never matched up.

My friend Louis and his girlfriend Annie stopped by and hung out with us since they live in the area. We mainly hung out with them with brief guest appearances by the singing engineer Tim Ruppert, Lafayette homeboy Karl Schott, a sweaty Mark Mosley, and a nice hug from Mags.

Speaking of sweaty, I was dripping with the stuff. For some reason there were 5 parties going on at once inside of Tracey's: it was a steam bath. It was Tracy's one year anniversary, a parade krewe was meeting up there, and some odd folk singer was playing. Other mishaps transpired.

I mixed up LunaNola and Racymind on my twitters/in person which led to confusing exchanges in person and online, sorry. I also misread a tweet from Jeffery thinking he wanted to start a mosh pit in front of the folk singer(s). I was totally on board for this endeavor, but alas, maybe next year.

After like two drinks Natalie wanted to go home to spend "quality time" together. So she got her picture taken with a dude in a "EVERY DAY I'M HUSSLIN'" t-shirt and we were off. We left at 10pm and I totally missed meeting the internet's Brian P. Moore, of internet fame.

Rising Tide Proper
We made it to the con with the first panel already underway. We grabbed black coffee and some pastries. During the breakfast festivities I learned of the greatest innovation in the history of Rising Tide: the Beer Bracelet™. Half way through the 2nd panel I was starting to incite a beer riot on twitter. Luckily the beer started flowing at 11am: and boy did it flow (heavy on the head at first).

The panels were fun, I made snarky comments on twitter the entire time. David Simon's STANDING rant and calling Mitch Landrieu an asshole was pretty funny. The capping the well panel was good as well, especially when the panelists explained the state and the oil industry is constantly engaged in consensual sex. My favorite panel was the food panel, I dunno, smug assholes are endless entertainment for me.

In the middle of everything we enjoyed a kosher pulled pork with mac and cheese lunch at the "cool kids" table with Ashley Award Winner Clifton Harris and Cade "I can't make it to the after party because of the kids" Roux. I had constant beer trips throughout the panels, 95% of the time Karl was either walking up to or away from the bar.

Shocking moment of the day came during the Ashley Award ceremony. I was "nominated." 2010 was a pretty slow year for me on the blogging front, so maybe it was a hint? Luckily, a blogger who deserved the award got it instead, congratulations G-bitch. Keep on bitchin'! Please don't kick my ass.

During the final panel I started drinking a lot more beer and passing out cups to help Mags finish off the last keg. I later learned that Karl and myself made the best use of our beer bracelets. So after the panels Natalie and myself talked with Pistolette and Adrastos. I don't remember about what, I was pretty drunk.

After Party at the Rendon Inn
After the conference we all filled up the Rendon Inn. I was starving and nodding off at the bar. Talked a bunch to Karl and had to explain to Mr. Vargas that some random guy in the bar looked nothing like "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase. I also turned the world upside down by ordering half of a sandwich via twitter (thanks Pistolette). I'm all about innovation on the information super highway.

I felt sorry for the bartender since she was serving a full bar all by herself. I hope everyone tipped the fuck out of her. The food was pretty good as well. Couldn't drink the free Rum beverage everyone was drinking. I don't like rum, had it been whiskey-based I would have polished it off.

Epilogue
Overall Rising Tide was pretty fun. Xavier was ice cold and had working bathrooms so it's the best venue thus far by most accounts. I hope the Beer Bracelet™ is here to stay. Felt like a victory lap in a way, nothing too hard-hitting political wise, but maybe we all need a breather.

More Shout-outs
I wish Grandmaster Wang and Cenlamar could have made it. Loki was greatly missed as well: no one could pull off the whole Rockstar MC thing. Wish I said more than an awkward "Hello" with Maitri. Should have said hello to Athenae as well for that matter. Oh well.

Fun conference guys. See you next year.

PS:
Here's some pictures Natalie took because she's awesome.