: Guy is in no way shape or form a sports writer. Guy is just some jerk who plays fantasy football, pulls for the local teams, and bitches incessantly when it's not an utter blowout on twitter.

The 2011 NFL season promises be a little chaotic due to the labor bullshit this past off season. I'll try to make weekly posts this season, but I ain't promising anything. After consulting a "higher power" (spoilers: me). I have put together a simple batch of predictions (some may call them "picks") of who will make the playoffs and what will happen. Hell, I'll even pick an MVP and Rookie of the year.

Predicting every regular season game, while a very simple task for someone such as myself, would be too boring with it's accuracy and result in a lot of typing I don't feel like doing.

AFC West: San Diego Chargers - The Chargers will be a beast until Rivers loses his shit, once again, in the playoffs.
AFC East (BYE): New England Patriots - If there is a "god" they'll go 18-1 again.
AFC North (BYE): Baltimore Ravens - The Piccolo to the Steelers Son Goku, their games will be epic and hopefully they'll meet again in the playoffs.
AFC South: Houston Texans - I'm 90% sure they will prove me wrong and shit the bed again. If they make it they will lose in the first round of the playoffs to a Wildcard team, I'm guessing the Steelers.

AFC Wild Card 1: New York Jets - Foot festish for this football will give them a leg up on the competition. I MADE A FUNNY. (No not really.) They'll embarrass the Chargers in round one and then be destroyed by the Patriots in round 2 by Tom Brady and Chad Ochocinco.
AFC Wild Card 2: Pittsburgh Steelers - I predict they will meet the Ravens in the playoffs only to be defeated by the Ravens in a massive comeback that will involve Ray Lewis BLOWING UP THE MOON! (FYI: this is a Dragon Ball joke)

AFC Champion: New England Patriots - After a dominating season and cleaning up the scraps of a decimated Raven's team, after their epic battle with the Steelers, will they once again become Superb Owl™ champions? Find out below.

NFC Wild Card 1: Tampa Bay Buccaneers - They'll surprise everyone by sweeping the Falcons this season and making it to the second round of the playoffs.
NFC Wild Card 2: Philadelphia Eagles - After a red-hot start they'll lose the NFC North after Michael Vick misses 4 consecutive games at the end of the season.

NFC West: Arizona Cardinals - Yet another 9-7 NFC West team wasting a spot of a better NFC South Team (Sorry Falcons). Michael Vick is going to treat them like a Pitbull.
NFC East: Washington Redskins - "Legendary quarterback ""Rax Grissman" will once again SHOCK THE WORLD by leading a team further than anyone ever expected him to. Sadly it will only be to the first round of the playoffs. Josh Freeman and the Bucs will fucks them up.
NFC North (BYE): Green Bay Packers - After narrowly defeating the Saints in week one and a full season of National commentators proclaiming them a "dynasty" they'll stomp a mud-hole into the Eagles.
NFC South (BYE): New Orleans Saints - After being written off by NFL pundits in a devistating loss to the Packers in week one: the Saints will pull themselves together and dominate with their running game. They'll beat the Bucs for a 3rd time in one season and exact their revenge on the media darling Packers.

NFC Champion: New Orleans Saints! Duh!

Superb Owl Champion: New Orleans Saints! - After the Saints secondary is decimated with injuries the Saints resign Mike Mckenzie after the NFC Championship game. Once again, Tom Brady will Taste the Difference™ as McKenzie comes up with not one, not two, but THREE pick sixes! HAHAHA screw bias!

Rookie of the Year: Mark Ingram - He will be the Saints first 1000 Yard rusher since Deuce McAllister in 2006.
Most Valuable Player: Tom Brady - He'll be his typical future hall of famer self and have an outstanding year. His number one reciever will be Chad "Tom, stop calling me Randy!" Ochocinco.

No comments: